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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24973873">The Moon's Fading Light</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantMisaki/pseuds/ReluctantMisaki'>ReluctantMisaki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:54:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24973873</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReluctantMisaki/pseuds/ReluctantMisaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kokoro disappeared after she was pulled out of high school, leaving Misaki without her light. Years later, Misaki continues trying to find her true purpose without her.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Okusawa Misaki/Tsurumaki Kokoro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>63</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. An Uninspired Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It sucked having absolutely no motivation.</p><p>Lots had happened since high school. Misaki went blindly to college without a decided major. Any way in with the least resistance, right? Her mentality for moderation had never failed her during middle and high school, so why wouldn't it work for college?</p><p>It didn't work.</p><p>Kokoro was pulled from high school their last year. An emergency had occurred and she was forced to run the family business in her father's stead. Misaki had tried to find out the details, any sign she would see the brilliant glimmer of the eyes that shined like the sun, but to no avail. Kokoro had disappeared as if she never existed.</p><p>College droned on; Misaki spent half of the time not going to class, finding the on-campus sushi restaurant much more interesting. She'd wander off after sushi to the student union to research any sign of the Tsurumaki's on the internet.</p><p>It was all that was on her mind.</p><p>There were a few times she exhausted herself with her obsessive preoccupied thought she'd fall asleep during the classes she did attend. After all, it wasn't her fault they made the seats so comfortable.</p><p>Misaki still hadn't decided on a major.</p><p>That was how her college years went; she settled on a simple major that allowed her to get college over with. She was burnt out.</p><p>Not once did she see her golden haired muse.</p><p>******</p><p>Life was definitely not what she expected.</p><p>Time had passed, she drifted from job to job. She tried retail but it grew tiring and she struggled to afford her apartment every month. She sighed to herself as she hunched over on the couch, eyes glazed over as she watched the newest hit show on Netflix. A person with no real purpose and no goals.</p><p>She tried relationships, but they were always the same. They'd either take advantage of her laid back, non-confrontational attitude, or they would complain that she took no initiative. There were a few genuine people, but Misaki was known for pushing others away. As time passed she had grown better at pushing others away.</p><p>Moderation was no longer working.</p><p>At 22 years old she started working entry level at an office job. It was data entry it shouldn't be too hard she figured. Since it was data entry, she figured it shouldn't be too hard. It would be laid back and easy going and she wouldn't have to worry about stress. Plain and simple not needing motivation.</p><p>She walked into her office and noted the high walls of her cubicle. At least she wouldn't have to worry about communicating with her colleagues. The last thing she wanted was unwanted advances, not that she was ever approached. She was unapproachable after all.</p><p>She despised that job but it paid better than her previous retail positions, and it definitely beat wearing Michelle and handing out balloons under the hot sun.</p><p>As time passed and the years droned on, her colleagues came and went, finding better opportunities while she stubbornly stayed in the same position. She did not like stress, and trying for different positions just added to her stress. She did always prefer a life in moderation. The job was tedious and tiring, but it was safe and secure.</p><p>She was never an overly ambitious person. The only time she exerted herself was for the sake of others. Kokoro had dragged her out of her comfort zone. Sure, it was extremely uncomfortable, but she grew more during her time with Kokoro than she had for the bulk of her life.</p><p>She went home, tired after a long day of data entry. Her colleagues had not acknowledged her as she left the building. As she made her way to the train that would take her home, she looked around apathetically. She had given up seeing a shimmer of familiar golden threads. Her heart used to light up when she thought her eye caught something, but she was tired of being let down.</p><p>She stood in the corner on the train, listening to a melancholic song on her phone trying to avoid anyone she could have known. Admittedly she had become even more of a hermit than she had been in high school. Kokoro made it impossible for her to ever truly be alone. Never had someone taken such an interest in her.</p><p>As she stepped off the train at her stop, she sighed to herself. The final stretch was here and she willed her dragging body to make it the last bit of the way to her apartment. She walked up the stairs and pulled out the key, seeing a small back cat at the corner of her eye.</p><p>"Hello Steve," Misaki looked down at the cat. As she opened the door the cat followed her in. At least she had him for company.</p><p>She took off her shoes and grabbed some cat food, placing it out for the cat. She heard the sounds of a happy cat eating its dinner as she sighed. Another boring mundane day over with, a continuation of her boring mundane pointless life.</p><p>“MISAAAKI!”</p><p>A loud screech burst through her thoughts, as she was about to sit the couch. “Oh right, Happy,” she sighed, she knew better than to try to relax before seeing the bird. She opened the door to her bedroom and walked over to the bird.   </p><p>A year before Kokoro was pulled out of school she had bought this parrot. It was a light blue colored quaker parrot she named Happy. When Kokoro disappeared the parrot was left on Misaki’s doorstep with a note to please take care of her. Misaki eyed the bird as she changed the water in the cage. The bird had one very inconvenient ability, she could sound just like Kokoro.</p><p>She also said the things Kokoro once said.</p><p>“MICHELLE!”</p><p>Misaki winced at the name. Since the band had been disbanded, Michelle had disappeared, the Suits most likely had some storage facility to keep all of Kokoro’s random whims. She tried to avoid anything that brought back some of those memories.</p><p>“HAPPY! LUCKY! SMILE! YAY!” the parrot squawked happily as Misaki gave her a treat. “MISAKIIIII!” the bird exclaimed.</p><p>“Yes yes, happy lucky smile yay.” Her mind drifted off, it was rough hearing that voice after not seeing Kokoro for so long. It still made her chest hurt.  </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>Misaki stopped breathing as eyes locked onto the parrot.</p><p>The parrot hopped happily to the corner of the cage and fluffed up, full and satisfied. Misaki shook her head, wiping away the single tear that had escaped. She was probably not the best owner for this particular bird.</p><p>She closed the door to her bedroom and sighed loudly, flopping onto the couch. Her mind spaced off as she closed her eyes. Almost instantly her mind trailed off to the days she so longed for. Pathetic, sure, but since then she had had no highlights in her life. Just an endless period of time where she sunk deeper and deeper into her own despair.</p><p>She wasn't sure she could write songs anymore.</p><p>"Why did she even bother with someone as plain and boring as me?" Misaki sighed deeply to herself. She never understood why Kokoro insisted on dragging her here and there. There were far more talented and ambitious girls who could have joined the band instead of her.</p><p>But Kokoro looked at her differently than she looked at anyone else. When she smiled at Misaki, the entire world started to sparkle. The colors around them danced brightly, the only entity shining brighter was the beautiful girl who had chosen her. Her gentle touch was enough to warm her frigid jaded heart. No one else in the world had the same effect on her.</p><p>But all that was long gone, and Misaki was left with her own self-inflicted misery.</p><p>She felt empty, like a part of her had been ripped asunder and taken far away from her grasp. Any attempt to try to reach out was met with silence, no sign of the radiant beauty she longed to find. The mansion had been empty since then. The Suits had presumably followed Kokoro to her business exploits. It really was like she had never existed.</p><p>Was she only a dream? A hallucination caused by Misaki's lonely mind?</p><p>What was the point in trying if she had no real purpose?   </p><p>She didn't even have the motivation to make her way to bed, she dozed off lazily on the couch as the cat curled up next to her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading my story! I had already been writing this before the Kokoro story idea was suggested to me. Sometimes I think we all start to feel that there is no real meaning to our lives. Life is never what we expect, and this story is about Misaki's journey after losing what was precious to her.</p><p>Beta read by Elcall</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Misaki drags through her day to day life</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Misaki awoke to the sound of her parrot screaming. She lazily opened her eyes and looked at the cat; he was still curled up next to her, dozing. She glanced over at the clock, giving her eyes a moment to become less hazy so she could see the time.</p>
<p> 10:00am.</p>
<p> “Fuck.” Misaki bolted off the couch, shocking the cat awake in response. Steve jolted off the couch and scurried behind a chair. “Fucking late for work!” </p>
<p>She glanced at herself in the mirror as she passed, she had not even bothered to change from her work clothes  before she had flopped down onto the couch the night before. She reached up and ran her fingers through her hair with a disgusted expression at her reflection. Shaking her head, she grabbed her bag and put on her shoes. At least it didn’t take time to get dressed again.</p>
<p> Today was not the day for the train to be delayed. Misaki anxiously stood perhaps a little too close to the tracks. She watched the departure listings with apprehension.  “Why today of all days?” she grumbled to herself. She walked over to the vending machine and bought herself a black coffee. As she went to take a sip of the coffee she spotted what appeared to be a familiar face. Misaki’s eyes squinted as she struggled to identify who it was. Greyish toned hair, sleepy expression, a bag in her hand that said Yamabuki bakery. <em> Moca. </em> Her blood froze in her veins.</p>
<p>Moca stared at the platform, her mind had wandered to the bread she was carrying in the bag. She had not noticed Misaki ducking behind the nearest pillar. Misaki looked down at herself and how sloppy she looked. She may have been in a rush to get to work due to being late, but she definitely did not want to see anyone from her high school days. She had not seen Moca since high school and today was not the day to see her again.</p>
<p> She did not want Moca seeing how far she had fallen.</p>
<p> Misaki peeked around the pillar to where she had seen Moca.</p>
<p> “Hey Misaki-chin~, You trying to avoid me?”</p>
<p> Misaki swore she jumped ten feet as she turned and saw Moca standing behind her. “M-M-Moca?” she caught her balance before she could fall back on the nearby bench.</p>
<p> Moca gave her typical smirk, clearly she hadn’t changed much since school. “Did my spectacular presence catch you off guard?”</p>
<p> Misaki grumbled and calmed herself. “Sure, sure, that’s entirely the reason.” She looked away uncomfortably. <em> Great, now she can see I’m a complete mess. </em> She breathed a sigh of relief as the train finally arrived at the station. “Uh, sorry Moca, I have to go, nice seeing you.” She walked away quicker than she intended to, stepping on board and hiding among the crowd.</p>
<p> Moca shrugged her shoulders and made her way to a different car.</p>
<p> As Misaki arrived at her job, she slunk in, trying to get in unnoticed. She made her way to her desk and clocked in; she knew there was going to be a rather unpleasant conversation with her boss that day. Being two hours late was not acceptable and she needed to come up with a good reason why she was so tardy. Misaki looked around at the other cubicles; no one had noticed her entrance.  <em> While it’s great that I didn’t cause unwarranted attention, it gets annoying that I’m that unnoticeable. </em>Her mind faded off as she concentrated on her lackluster job.</p>
<p> “Misaki.” A figure's sharp voice broke Misaki out of her concentration. </p>
<p> “Yes Saitou-san? She winced, knowing what was to come.</p>
<p> “To my office, please.” Stating nothing else he walked back to his office.</p>
<p> Misaki gulped, she had no idea what sort of excuse to make for being late. It was her own negligence that she had fallen asleep on the couch without an alarm clock ready. She stood up slowly and tried to iron out her outfit with a brush of her hands. She knew she looked really sloppy today, but she had to still try to be presentable. Misaki made her way to the boss’s office and opened the door.</p>
<p>“Please close the door behind you and take a seat.” He looked imposing from behind his desk.</p>
<p> Misaki closed the door and walked over to the chair, nervously sitting down in front of the massive desk. Shinji Saitou was written on a plaque on his desk.</p>
<p> “You were two hours <em> late </em> , Okusawa- <em> san </em>.”</p>
<p> Misaki looked down at her hands, “I know, I deeply apologize. I-“</p>
<p> He cut her off, “That is not acceptable. What in the world happened that caused you to be two hours late, and worse off, not contact the office to inform of the reason for your tardiness?”</p>
<p> Misaki shifted uneasily and tried to stutter her answer out but couldn’t find the words.</p>
<p> Saitou sighed, “You’re a good worker. You are able to focus on a task and get it done but...” he hesitated, “Okusawa-san there have been some complaints around the office.”</p>
<p> Misaki lifted her head and looked at him.<em> Complaints? For what? I mostly keep to myself. </em>She thought to herself, she was too worried about speaking.</p>
<p> He cleared his throat, “Colleagues do not know how to respond to you. They find you distracting, yet very unapproachable. Some of them are uncomfortable.” He looked over her somewhat crumpled outfit, “Have things been okay?” </p>
<p>Misaki nodded her head, “Y-yes, I’m just, well,” she trailed off. She had no idea how she should respond. How could she be these things when she barely talked to anyone?</p>
<p>Saitou shook his head, “Tell you what, take the day off. It’s a three day weekend, go home and sort yourself off. Come back Monday fresh.”</p>
<p>Misaki couldn’t believe she still had a job.</p>
<p>She walked out of the office, ignoring the subtle whispers of her coworkers.</p>
<p>Misaki stepped into the sun and closed her eyes, she did not want to go home. Instead, she turned a sharp left towards the nearby park. Being at home was depressing and lonely, and the bird? Well, the bird did not help her mental state.</p>
<p>She sat down on the park bench and sighed. She needed to do better. What would Kokoro think of her now that she was, this? She closed her eyes as the sun beat down on her, a gentle wind cooling her. A familiar feeling she longed to return to. Misaki rested her head back onto the bench and her mind wandered off.</p>
<p>“Misaki!” A familiar bubbly voice floated by. A warm hand rested on Misaki’s shoulder. “Don’t forget to smile!” Misaki leaned in towards the hand to brush against it but almost fell over the edge. Nothing was there.</p>
<p>She had dozed off on the park bench.</p>
<p>Misaki looked left and right to see if anyone had noticed. She stood up and walked along the pathway. Life just felt off, things had not felt the same since Kokoro had left. The school had become less vibrant, her days lacking color. Though she had tried to find other outlets and continue trying to create for the now four member band, the rest of the members felt without Kokoro, there was just no point. They went their separate ways and had not talked since. Kokoro had been the foundation that tied everyone together. Even Kanon had drifted away after Kokoro’s disappearance.</p>
<p>The sun was starting to set, just how long had she been at the park? Misaki made her way back to the train, trying to avoid anyone she might know. She was not in the mood for discussing anything with anyone.</p>
<p>The train came and went with her on it. She avoided everyone else and found herself back at home. A three day weekend, surely she could figure something out.</p>
<p>Maybe she could find some motivation.</p>
<p>Maybe not.</p>
<p>This time, Misaki changed out of her work clothes and put on a black tank top and shorts. She really didn’t need to stay in her work clothes when she was home. Sometimes however, she just couldn’t be bothered. She fed the parrot and walked back into the living room, she didn’t want to hear anything from the bird either.</p>
<p>Misaki sat on the couch, resting her head on her hands as she thought about her wreck of a day. No, not just day. More like the wreck of her life.</p>
<p>She was a disappointment to her parents, who had expected her to “find a nice man and have a grandchild coming for them” by now. Definitely not a thing that would ever happen, they liked to ignore the blatant fact that she liked only women.</p>
<p>She was a disappointment to her teachers but they never complained since her grades were decent, but they weren’t great either.</p>
<p>She was a disappointment to her boss, or any boss she had had. “Wasted potential” was what they called her.</p>
<p>Not terrible, but nothing exceptional either. She had always preferred to be laid back but her abilities had suffered for it.</p>
<p>She was not exceptional at anything.</p>
<p>You see, Misaki had only worked hard at music composition and organizing the band because she had to. Without her, the band would have fallen apart. Kokoro definitely would not have been able to. Together with Kokoro’s optimism and her will to make the word smile and Misaki’s ability to pull everything together they were unstoppable. At least that’s what it had felt like.</p>
<p> Without Kokoro, however, there was no one pushing her to keep it all together.</p>
<p> So it all fell apart.</p>
<p>Everything in her life had fallen apart.</p>
<p>How could she allow it to get this way? She sighed as a tear escaped and slid down her hand.</p>
<p>She must look pathetic. Kokoro had been gone for five years. After that span of time she should have been over it by now. She should have been able to find someone else who wouldn’t just disappear. It’s not like she hadn’t tried, but nothing felt the same.</p>
<p>Something about Kokoro had lit a spark in her. For once in her life she felt compelled to actually try. Nothing after that was remotely close.</p>
<p>Was it worth it to still try?</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading this! Next chapter will be done....eventually </p>
<p>Beta read by trasonic9</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Falling Star</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Misaki ponders life</p><p>Solitude's upon my skin<br/>A Life that's bound by the chains of reality<br/>-Selene, Sonata Arctica</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She could not escape the darkness threatening to surround her even in her sleep; that is if her insomnia allowed her to sleep. Sleep had become a rare commodity for her as of late. That overhanging pain in her chest never faded enough for her to obtain any relief.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Misaki tossed and turned, trying to find some semblance of comfort. Her bed felt like a rock, the jagged edges poking into her side. It is a decent mattress but when she felt this restless it felt unbearable. It was all she could afford at the time. Her job didn’t pay the best and circumstances had kept her from being able to save money, she was always living paycheck to paycheck. The parrot was asleep, covered up with a cloth she had found laying around. It didn’t matter where the cloth came from, all that mattered now was not hearing that parrot’s voice. Parrots are supposed to be asleep at night and not make a sound, but of course Kokoro’s parrot Happy would deviate from the norm. She should have never agreed to take in that bird.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That parrot was a constant memory that she was all alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She furrowed her brow as she struggled with her insomnia, her mind racing through memories she wished she could forget. Misaki was so exhausted she should have been able to pass out, but her mind did not allow her to relax. No, she was not allowed the briefest of breaks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t the first time someone had disappeared from her life and she knew it wouldn’t be the last.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please…I just need sleep.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki continued to battle with her own mind as sleep refused to take her; she tossed and turned. The temperature of the room felt like it was fluctuating from being too warm to suddenly too cold. As a last resort she hugged her pillow, a last ditch attempt at bringing herself some comfort so she could finally sleep. It didn’t work.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She sat up on her bed and grumbled softly to herself. Maybe a walk would tire her out enough to be able to sleep. Misaki stood up from her bed and went to put on some simple casual clothes. Jeans, a hoodie and of course a hat so she could hide her face with the brim. Classic Misaki. She definitely did not want to be recognized at this time of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door to her apartment and walked into the brisk cool evening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was three in the morning. Without the streetlights and the stars above the darkness surrounding her would have felt like a complete eternal void. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> Surely, no one else would be awake at this hour. Misaki understood the risks, but sometimes being under the stars calmed her mind. She walked along the road, her steps on the pavement the only sound reverberating through the piercing silence. A street light flickered, the bulb descending into its final stages of use. Sometimes it was nice to get away from everything, feel nothing but the cool wind as if brushed along her face, almost as if it was trying to console her. Misaki reached the end of her street and turned towards the park she was at earlier that day. The road was darker, like the shadows of doubt that threatened to consume her. As she reached the clearing of the park she made her way to the closest park bench and sat down. Her eyes turned upwards to the stars above as she leaned back on the bench giving out a quiet sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tear escaped as it drifted down her cheek. The stars above twinkled. It was almost comforting. They made her feel less alone. It reminded her of the times she and Kokoro would sit up at night. One of Kokoro’s few quieter moments. She smiled softly to herself, they were great memories. Kokoro would point out constellations she made up that reminded her of the band. Misaki didn’t think she mattered much in the grand scheme of things. After all, she was just Michelle’s friend. For a while Kokoro couldn’t even remember her name. She was so pessimistic, so much that Kokoro couldn’t handle it. But Misaki had her reasons for being so pessimistic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down from the stars, recalling the people that came and went from her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hagumi went to a sports college across the country. The last time Misaki heard anything about her she was making a great name for herself. Kaoru had moved on to bigger plays, she had mastered her craft and moved to New York in hopes she could be part of Broadway theater. Misaki wondered if she had achieved her dream, maybe she would look her up online later out of curiosity. Kanon. Well, Kanon and her had drifted apart. They had a history and the entire situation with Kokoro made it much more difficult.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>While the band had known there was at least something between Misaki and Kokoro, Kanon had insisted it was nothing more than friendship. Misaki did not like PDA, and liked to keep her relationship with Kokoro private. Not because she was embarrassed she was with Kokoro, but because she felt it was no one else’s business. Though emotions in general made Misaki feel pretty embarrassed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, that made it very awkward when Kanon confessed to Misaki. Needless to say, Misaki was forced to confess what was really going on, and while Kanon was happy for her their friendship was never the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After Kokoro disappeared the band had drifted apart and Misaki had not heard from Kanon since. The situation had been uncomfortable and she felt guilty for having inadvertently hurt Kanon, so she didn’t reach out to her even after all this time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>People change, she understood that, but somewhere along the line she ended up no longer part of the equation that was their lives. Friends she valued, acquaintances that seemed not important but had managed to make an impact on her life, even her family. Everyone drifted apart. She valued any form of stability, but the only thing that had been stable was the consistency of others leaving. Rimi had been her closest friend in school, but after it ended she went on with her life and like the rest left Misaki behind.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe this way of thinking is selfish of me. How can I expect anyone to stay in my life? I’m a stepping stone, someone who exists in the background. Nothing more, nothing less. Would they even notice if I wasn’t there anymore? Would anyone care?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right, because that’s really what the issue is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>****</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That star is Misaki! She’s small and a little far away, but she watches over the band!” Kokoro’s voice pierced through her mind as a distant memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is your star?” Misaki had responded, trying to avoid anything remotely sentimental.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, mines not there.” Kokoro pondered looking at the sky.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki thought to herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>She can see all of us in the sky, even someone as insignificant as myself, but she can’t see herself…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you’re a shooting star..” Misaki spoke as the thought entered her mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes, that would be very fitting.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“A shooting star!” Kokoro’s eyes lit up against the night sky. “We should go find a shooting star!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki sighed to herself </span>
  <em>
    <span>And there it is, that energy I can never hope to keep up with. I’m just asking for it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, yes Kokoro, we can go find a shooting star. But we really need to sleep”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>****</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki’s eyes looked back up at the sky, tears slowly streaming down her face as she tried in vain to fight back her emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s exactly what Kokoro was, a shooting star. A brief glimmer of something special in my pointless life. Shooting stars don’t last, they’re beautiful for the moment then disappear. It’s almost amusing how accurate that suits her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The tears were now streaming unhindered down her cheeks. She was so tired, tired of ending up alone.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What’s the point of anything? Anytime I try they just leave. I should be happy for them. They’ll lead a better life without me. I’m so tired of it. Ugh, I hate when I get like this, I hate emotions.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>For once in her life all she wanted for some form of permanence. Friends who would stay in her life, for once she’d not like that overhanging vestige she felt with everyone she met. She didn’t want everything to feel like it was always going to end.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Is that really all that selfish?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki was glad it was so late at night, she was sure it was safe, she was alone. No one would see her crying like an idiot on a park bench. Normally she was relatively decent at covering up her emotions, or so she thought. There were times where it leaked through the wall she had placed around herself to prevent others from getting too close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe that was her problem, she rarely truly let anyone close. It had been the complaint of the few people she tried to date after Kokoro. She held everyone at arm's length, often pushing others away to prevent the stinging rejection and abandonment she knew would eventually come.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kokoro really had been the exception, and even then she’s now gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was hard for Misaki, her parents had often been busy and weren’t around. She took care of her siblings as best as she could and tried to comfort her little sister by making felt animals. In the end however, she locked herself away so she could always put on a brave face. She had to. Misaki had to be the strong one, she was the support. How would she show weakness to her sister who admired her? It would have been nice if someone made felt animals for her, or reached out to ask if she was ok once and awhile, but she’d never admit it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No one ever seemed to care enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kokoro had been the only one who broke through the steel walls she surrounded herself with. At first it was jarring, an uncomfortable unmistakable change that had occurred slowly inside her. Kokoro had pulled her out into the light and forced her inner self bare into the bright light of day.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Could she ever allow anyone that close ever again? It wasn’t as if Kokoro WANTED to disappear, it was against her wishes. She didn’t have a choice. It didn’t change the fact it stung.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder how Kokoro is doing. Would she even recognize me at this point? Would she accept the loser I became? Could she and I return to how it used to be?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is stupid, it was so long ago, she’s probably forgotten all about me. What’s the point in anything? No one bothered to contact me, no one ever had time for me, no one cares if im ok, my coworkers can’t stand me, I’m an idiot, I’m useless, a failure, no one could possibly love me, I’m a pointless waste of space, I’ve accomplished nothing and I doubt I ever will, I’ll always be a disappointment, why did Kokoro bother wasting her time with me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I’m insignificant.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>           I’m forgettable.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Why do I even exist?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
  <strike>
    <b>
      <em> No one would notice if I was gone.</em>
    </b>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <b>
      <em>Why can’t I just not exist??</em>
    </b>
  </strike>
</p><p>
  <span>A shooting star passed by overhead catching Misaki’s eye as her mind was tumbling down into a chasm; a faint glimmer in the moonless night, gone as soon as it had appeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The world stopped for a moment. Misaki’s eyes widened and she paused, barely breathing. Her downward spiral had been momentarily diverted by the shining light that distracted her rambling thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A shooting star…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked down and shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>A coincidence</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes slowly returned to the skies above. The world was quiet as the stars continued to flicker. The darkness that had overcome her had started to lift. Almost like Kokoro had called out to her, somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was that even possible? With Kokoro, anything was possible.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, that’s something Kokoro definitely wouldn’t be ok with.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She’d probably do something crazy and drag me through it just to distract me from my downward spiral. She really knew me well.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She chuckled softly to herself, as annoying as some of Kokoro’s antics were, they definitely distracted her from her anxious mind. In fact, she was the only person who had managed to do that. Something Misaki knew she had to work on, she couldn’t depend on others to pull her out of her own self-contained misery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Misaki stood up and wiped the tears from her face. Life definitely sucked, but she owed it to Kokoro, to herself, to keep trying. She slowly made her way back to the apartment; the street light that had been flicking was now beaming brightly in the night guiding her way back home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the door and changed back into her pajamas. It may have been 5 am, but she still had three days off. She would try to make something more of herself. She was going to try to make a mark. To be needed and necessary. To make a difference.  No matter how difficult it may be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she did.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am very slow at this I wrote this 2 months ago and now I'm posting it.... Thanks everyone for the support though!</p><p>This chapter was betaread by trasonic9</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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